& Baby Girl, Don't you EVER get TOO comfortable!

No. Don't you dare EVER do it. Get comfortable. See! You know what I'm talking about because RIGHT now that dude you got too comfortable with is going through your mind. Your shaking your head, laughing, smirking to yourself bc now you can relate & know what you did wrong but when you were comfortable, it seemed right & when you he tore apart your comfort zone it was all wrong!!

So listen up: Weezy said it best and you should listen to Weezy, I call him #1 Nigga culprit out of them all. That lil shunomagun probably has THE best game outta of them all because CLEARLY he aint shootin blanks! But really listen to him. He tries to tell y'all but y'all don't hear him though.

There are just certain things you don't do & you when you catch yourself doing them: pick up the pieces. This aint the whole list: just a preview. And these things apply in every stage of a relationship.

1)You're spending all your time in the HOUSE. Whether its yours, his, your mamas...TOO COMFORTABLE. Not saying you can't, but ALL your time? Heck naw. You gotta have some standards. I mean if that's what you like, just know that's all you'll get. Even a broke dude likes to get out the house.

2)You're gaining weight. TOO COMFORTABLE. Yeah, I said it. Say I'm wrong, I DARE you. He probably likes it, will even tell you he does, so its not an issue. But oh yes it is! Weight starts playing with YOUR head. You'll look back at old pics and wonder how did the man in him fall in love with me then & still love me now?! See...see. I told you!

3)To be continued...
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It is what it is

& WTH is that really?

That is so vague. I'm angry now. I'm reminded of my "rules" here. The ones I made up. Yes, I can make up my own rules. The person that wrote the book on rules made them as they went along & the dude who's rules you live by, he made them up. & the rules you live by-you made them up. They are just standards & policies we have in life to limit ourselves & make ourselves feel better.

So here are mine:

1)You're protected NOT rejected
2)Rejection is Inevitable
3)"Once you let me, you won't forget me".

You see how these 3 rules allow me to displace any hurt, move on with my life, and reassure myself its their loss not mine? Yep! Keep it moving. #ontothenextone

They are, so why shouldn't I be?!

I'm not good at being open & communicating my feelings bc I'm not trying to be played. & I don't want to scare someone off...but most likely after talking/meeting someone I know if I want to deal with them. This one is genuine. I want to say: look. I like you & seriously don't want to deal with the ambiguity of whatever this is, so let me know now what you're intentions are bc "it is what it is" is way too vague for me.

I don't care if he rollbounces, I don't really have time in my life for floaters & uncertainty. I spent four years on that. I know what I want & the playful times aren't for me anymore. I'm not a dater. I'm a courter.

"We want what we want, then we victimize ourselves".

I knew I shouldve never started this & just kept staying still & not dealing with folks. For me its a bit easier that way. Plus even if I rollbounced today, in two weeks I can step back up to the plate.

*MyRealityin2d* "it is what it is!"
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Soggy Waffles

"Because nothing sticky or sweet can fix Soggy Waffles"

Sometimes I wonder if I have "not getting any" labeled across my forehead? I surely hope not. I try to contain it! But then I realize, I'm just being paranoid because I'm don't like things I say misinterpreted as sexual references. Yep, I'm a prude. I'm 25 years old & a freakin prude. Don't get me wrong: I'm a FREAKY prude, but good girls don't tell. It just doesn't feel right to me. & I feel like this "freaky gurl" doesn't want you take me saying: "I need some beef" and flip it to mean "I need some d***". Umm no, I seriously need some ground beef for dinner! GEEZ. Then I get stuck face bc I'm like OH SHOOT! They caught me. They know. They read my label. #notetoself: CHILL OUT. See there I go again. UGH. Love me flaws & all mmmk. Mmmk.

But its not like I can't get some Vitamin D. I'm just so apprehensive that I don't want it. I don't want aftermath. Yeah, I can f*em no feelings as best as the dude I'm f*in but I feel I'm too hold for that casual sex stuff now. It leads to nothing beyond some sticky sheets..or maybe just sticky icky between the legs. (Depends how good it is & how deep you get it in). :o) but I'm probably overthinking this whole thing. I ought to just do it. Cue Ron Browz: "jumpin out the window with this one".

I met Y.B. last night. He's huge, a big football player. But not fat, just built. He wants to "pick me up" & also "eat me off a plate". Ok, that's cute but I'm not that little! He is sweet though. I could just tell he's young in the face & it felt a lil weird. Not babyfaced, but like eyes wide open. He has an eager curiousity in his eyes. It's cute bc even with everything he's got on his plate life hasn't taken that curiousity out of his eyes. But wow, did I really just say those things? Whomp whomp.

Ok. Let me go. A dear friend is being persistent about me getting her my resume so I can move home & maybe start my big city life. But then what about Y.B.? Oh! Look at me, planning a life again.

#sidenote: I'm watching Roseanne, the episode when Dan admits he cheated on Rosie. Cheaters are the worse. They make my stomach hurt. I'll touch on that later!

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Here's the problem: You're doing too much.

Yep. Its that easily stated, but just as difficult to stop doing. I always remember that "I'm doing too much" or "I'm doing the most" after the fact. My panache for doing the most, has left me broke, speechless, tired, overly committed, hemmed up (literally), and single. I also know a common nickname of "crazy" that I'm called daily is because I'm always doing too much & I just can't chill out. I'm so tired of remembering to "chill out" after I've exploded. Tired of remembering not to do "too much" after I've "done the most". UGH! It is so irritated. I mean is this that gift and a curse in my life?! I saw NO. Mainly because it if was a gift, I'd apply my need to do too much with great flair and excitement and close attention to detail to everything in my life. #fail. Instead I just apply it to things that bring me pleasure like: shopping, men, parties, showing off and not to my living standards, financial skills, or work ethic. I feel terrified to tap into my potential in those areas whereas I can let loose in the areas that don't deserve my wholeheartedness. Somehow I've got to turn my bad for good and make a way for myself & expand on my potential turning away from quitting too soon & wasting my time.

So funny how we know the problem & the solution but don't solve it. Mainly bc the sacrifice seems way too much but I have a feeling I could reap a GREAT reward if I sacrifice some things now, I'm just being too stubborn & selfish.

I'm also upset about my single circumstance. B.D. called me on Fri the 13th & I'm like umm ok. Still gives me butterflies, but its due to bad nerves & a slight hope he's calling to say: "I'm sorry. I'm coming. Let's make this work. I'm here. I want us together. I quit it all for you. I love you." But haahaha of course that's not it. He & the girl are on the outs so he wantys to get me back in the spot that he always put me: his nasty girl. I'm good. That's not fair to her or me. If she's not doing what he wants that's his problem. That best of both worlds stuff doesn't work over here. Especially when I'm the jumpoff. IM GOOD! Just thinking about it got my stomach hurt. *pause*

Then there is Y.B. He's not so great on paper or emotionally, but hell neither am I! I could fix that though. But whew! I had to catch myself for a min. Y.B. had my nose WIDE OPEN. & reminded me why I'm not in a relationship. I don't know how to chill. I just want someone to come sweep me off my feet, indulge me, and commit to us forever in an instant. Ha! (again). I just took a writing pause bc the BB vibed & I thought it was Y.B. but alas it wasn't. I wish it was. We could be so right together. Triple Ha! How do I say that & I've never even met the dude? Literally. Oh! I know how: I'm doing the most. #fail2x UGH! Ok...let's reevaluate this. I met dude on a dating site. Talked on Yahoo! & then on text & phone since about Halloween. So about 2 weeks. He's cool, nice but distant & withdrawn but he's so nice & if he was boyfriend would be a good one. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. STOP. How do I say that? OH YEAH! Bc "I can plan a future with you & I haven't even met you". So if its not this one, it'll be the next one I do that to, just like I did it with the last.

So many other important things to worry about. I'm so tired oif uncertainty when it comes to the opposite sex & then really life in general. I can deal with uncertainty in some aspects but when its due to a simple lack of communication issue. That's annoying. But I don't wanna communicate all this to someone. I'd deserve the crucial side-eye & crazy nickname calling by that dude. I just wonder how to win. If I'm mean, they love it. If I'm nice, they're disguisted. Then when I'm mean I get labeled as feisty, hard & uptight & they want to sex me not wife me. I show emotion & they desert me & wife the next one. ALWAYS!! WTF. I lose.

Well...thanks for listening. :o) My reality in 2d.
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